About time

So it has been a while for me (not that I don't have some kick ass excuses for not writing), but I have been in another low lately, and I was feeling like that was all I ever write about and I refused to be that guy. Isn't it amazing how nothing...little stupid things that you think about yourself just stick in your mind and get you down.

I really think that was part of the fall in the garden, by letting sin into our lives, we lost our confidence in ourselves...we lost our confidence in others. Why is it when I don't talk to someone for a while I feel this giant rift...I feel like they don't like me or love me...I feel like I am worthless and mean nothing to them...that I am uncared for and unloved. What makes it be that way? Could it have been that the tree of knowledge of good and evil made us recognize our evil nature, but since we were created in the image of God (who is good) we cannot stand ourselves? Maybe I am just making crap up here, but this seriously is making more sense to me know than ever before. When we have people that we love and respect we tend to think of them as better than us...that we are the lucky ones to be in the relationship with that person (again, maybe this is just me). So when I lose that communication that I am used to, I feel that they have finally wised up to my dirty sinful worthless nature. It is not that I think the worst of them, I think the worst of myself. I still get angry...I still project things onto them (because that is easier than actually cleansing the dirt from my own life)...I try to bring that person down to my own level in my eyes so that it feels that I haven't lost as much...but in reality, it may be nothing at all. It may be we are just both busy. It may be that it is just as much my fault that we have lost touch for a period of time. It may be that they are feeling the same way...

This is a random post because this is not even close to what I was thinking I was going to write about. I had some thoughts after reading the blog I just posted. I just loved some of the lines..."people make mistakes but maybe God does not." "There are people who invest in stocks and there are people who invest in stories." "easier to say 'community' from a stage, easier to be busy than known." "I'm 29 years old. I should have my shit together by now."

But the post is so much more than just a collection of good lines, it is about friendship and family and love and hope. It is a story...it is people...it is life...it is what I want. I wish I were that open with my life...I wish I were able to talk about more than the latest sports stories and market problems and political agendas and church crap. I wish I had the balls to let people know me...to wear my heart on my sleeve...to open my life up to people to read and learn and pray and peruse and possibly use...to take the shit from my life and expose it to the air so that I can stop suffocating myself with it's stench being closed up inside...to hear the comments, negative or not, and know that it doesn't matter as long as I am being myself.

School will be back soon, so maybe that means I will get back into the posting spirit soon. Don Miller's book comes out soon, it is all about story and the life you are living (making your story great). It is only $13-14 at amazon, just FYI

Isaac